By Susan Ciancio
Millions of people have found themselves overcome with emotion after watching Catholic apologist and author Dr. Peter Kreeft on the Pints with Aquinas podcast. There, just weeks after his wife of over 60 years passed away, Dr. Kreeft spoke candidly about love and marriage. It’s a touching interview that puts into perspective what is truly important in a marriage.
When host Matt Fradd asked what advice he would give to those newly married or planning to get married, Dr. Kreeft told the story of how, an hour after his wife died, he looked upon her broken and emaciated body and “fell in love with her again.” He then reflected and said, “It’s as beautiful as a crucifix.” He went on to explain the reality that the body isn’t going to last, but the soul is, and he said, “If you don’t love her soul but just love her body, don’t get married.”
What beautiful words of authentic love from a man who just lost his wife! Imagine if everyone strived for this type of love within marriage. It is the love that most of us hope we find, and it’s the love we should hope that our children find—someone to love them body and soul, someone who cares whether they and their future children make it to heaven, someone who loves them through the years as their outward appearance changes, and someone who realizes that inner beauty is more important than outward beauty.
Fradd became visibly choked up when Dr. Kreeft said that his wife’s body was as beautiful as a crucifix, and that’s likely because both men know and understand that the love that Christ has for us—the love He showed when allowing Himself to be beaten and hung on a cross—is the love we should mirror in our own lives, especially in our marriages. And they know that this is the kind of marriage God and the Church want for us. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches:
The married couple forms “the intimate partnership of life and love established by the Creator and governed by his laws; it is rooted in the conjugal covenant, that is, in their irrevocable personal consent.” Both give themselves definitively and totally to one another. They are no longer two; from now on they form one flesh. The covenant they freely contracted imposes on the spouses the obligation to preserve it as unique and indissoluble. “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Studies have shown that a marriage rooted in the love of Christ has a better chance at weathering the trials, tribulations, and even tragedies that we all experience in our lives. Several years ago, a researcher at the Harvard School of Public Health wrote about research conducted over the course of two decades and stated that “those who attend religious services are about 30 to 50 percent less likely to divorce than those who do not.” He continued, “Other research suggests that shared family religious activities and praying together are likewise associated with greater relationship satisfaction and greater levels of trust. Shared religious activities like praying together may help couples deal with stress and allow them to focus on shared beliefs and hopes for the future, and deal constructively with problems in their relationship.”
Further, we cannot discount the importance of fathers and the impact they have on their families. Research has consistently found that a father’s religious practice more directly impacts his children than a mother’s. According to a Touchstone article, “If a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper.”
That is both a sobering and eye-opening statistic. We know that those who take their faith seriously are also more likely to take their marriage vows seriously and to work toward helping their spouses and children attain heaven. They understand that faith is the greatest gift we can give our families. And if we want our children to understand this, we must not only provide them with holy and faithful models, but we must openly and courageously discuss the sanctity of marriage, the fact that marriage is a sacrament, and that marriage should be between a man and a woman. While these may be difficult truths to stand up for today, they still remain truths.
Men and women complement each other, and marriage is and should be both unitive and procreative—meaning that the two people become one and that their love sometimes creates a child. Only a man and a woman can create another human being. This is the beauty of marriage, and it’s one that should never be taken lightly.
Marriage is a tremendous gift—to each spouse and to any children created. As parents, it’s our job to help our children understand this so that someday they can look upon their spouse’s body and think it’s “as beautiful as a crucifix.” That is the faith-filled joy we long for them to have. That is the meaning of authentic love.
We want to help you teach your children about the sanctity of marriage. Download this booklet today to begin some great conversations.