By Judie Brown
Paul and Judie Brown celebrated their wedding vows fifty-eight years ago today. Though Paul has moved on in accord with the Lord’s timetable, I am, as the Helen Reddy song explains, “left to carry on.” But as I have found over the intervening four years, there is no such thing as being alone.
There are wonderful memories of our life together. There are bittersweet remembrances of the pain and disagreement that are, I presume, part of any healthy marriage. And most of all, there is the constant experience of feeling his presence in my heart, my mind, and every aspect of my life. The way I see it, Paul died at the time appointed by God, and while I am sorrowful, I am also grateful for the memories that nobody can take away from me.
I ponder his many traits, especially his sense of humor, with gratitude. He was, in spite of his humble disagreement with my words, the best husband and father in the world. It is perhaps because of his modesty that his God-given gifts shined forth with incredible clarity. His character was formed and refined in the fire that the Lord places in each of our lives.
While Reddy’s lyrics are addressed to a mother and her child, they are certainly applicable to a couple as well. In fact, in many ways they are the essence of loving another person more than ourselves. That is truly what love should be when shared within the blessings of marriage or parenthood.
Paul and I took a vow when we were wed that included the words “until death do us part.” But in truth, death is but another chapter that one painfully experiences as the other moves on according to what the Lord has planned.
For as the lyrics to another beautiful love song tell us:
No, you’ll never be lonely
For I’ll love you only
Take this song, so dearly yours
Signed with love, sincerely yours
To my mind, such lyrics capture the essence of what it means to truly love someone, whether he is near or far.
For those of us with faith in God, we know that forever is an eternity of peace, love, and joy with the Lord. That is the forever I think about when I become overwhelmed with the grief that comes because my beloved Paul has died.
I miss him terribly, but I am also grateful to God for bringing us together and for guiding us through the storms of life, through the anguish and the joy, and for reminding us every day that in Him is the hope of what is to come.
So, on this day I express my deepest love for a man God chose for me. Paul is the father of our children, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, and my hero. Thank you, Lord, for Paul Anthony Brown. I remain forever his and most of all, Lord, forever yours!